Lose Pounds. Become a Writer
I want to introduce the exciting weight loss idea called Write Away. Maybe holiday overindulgence has reared its head; the bathroom scale with its digitally enhanced display can record even half pound gains; it’s time to shed that extra baggage.
Write Away is not a pill. It’s not a program. There’s nothing to buy. In fact, the Write Away concept enables participants to avoid splurging on expensive food items; at the same time it will help unleash the inner person trapped in a repetitive unrewarding job. Step One: become a writer. It’s easy and fun. Remember that old bathrobe? That’s all you need. The family computer probably has word processing software; if not, use number two pencils and legal pads. Write Away is already beginning to work; the aerobic benefits of keyboarding and scratching lines on pads have been documented for centuries. Both Tacitus and Petronius lost weight after they began to write; Marlowe and Shakespeare shrank away to nothing. Results are virtually guaranteed!
Wait, there’s more! Family members will hardly recognize you in just weeks on the Write Away program. Your father-in-law will say ‘here comes Stephen King’ at family gatherings. As the pounds melt away you’ll master gerund use and conjunctive clauses, things not needed in your present job. Old Russian guys will want to play chess with you.
The Write Away concept is not available in stores. Consult a psychiatrist before commencing. Find out if they work pro bono; yes, you can use Latin phrases now. Cinch that bathrobe and start typing.